Me and AT&T

How many times have you just sat down at the dinner table only to be interrupted by a phone call from a long distance company.  I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as humoring as they were with me. The call went something like this:

Me: Hello

AT&T: Hello, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: YES! This is AT&T, may I speak to Mr. Comp please?

Me: May I ask who is calling?

AT&T: This is AT&T.

Me: OK, hold on.

At this point I put the phone down for a solid 2 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. Much to my surprise, when I picked up  the receiver, they were still waiting.

Me: Hello?

AT&T: Is this Mr. Comp?

Me: May I ask who is calling please?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: Is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes this is AT&T...

Me: This is AT&T?

AT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Comp?

Me: Yes, is this AT&T?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: The phone company?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I thought you said this was AT&T.

AT&T: Yes sir, we are a phone company.

Me: I already have a phone.

AT&T: We aren't selling phones today Mr. Comp.

Me: Well whatever it is, I'm really not interested but thanks for calling.

When you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but they were persistent.

AT&T: Mr. Comp we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.

Now, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little figuring.

Me: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day?

AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes sir that's right! 24 hours a day!

Me: 7 days a week?

AT&T: That's right.

Me: 365 days a year?

AT&T: Yes sir.

Me: I am definitely interested in that!  Wow!!! That's amazing!

AT&T: We think so!

Me: That's quite a sum of money!

AT&T: Yes sir, it's amazing how it adds up.

Me: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560, and if you send an annual check, can I get a cash advance?

AT&T: Excuse me?

Me: You know, the 10 cents a minute.

AT&T: What are you talking about?

Me: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year.  That comes to $144 per day, $1008 per week and $52,560 per year.  I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.

AT&T: Oh no sir I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute.

Me: Wait a minute !!! Didn't you just say you'd give me 10 cents a minute. Are you sure this is AT&T?

AT&T: Well, yes this is AT&T sir but......

Me: But nothing, how do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of subliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer you know.   Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.

AT&T: No sir we are offering 10 cents a minute for.....

Me: THERE YOU GO AGAIN!  Can I speak to a supervisor?

AT&T: Sir I don't think that is necessary.

Me: Sure! You say that now! What happens later?

AT&T: What?

Me: As soon as I say yes, you beam me up, cut out my brain and I'll never get a dime.  I insist on speaking to a supervisor!

AT&T: Yes Mr. Comp. Please hold on.

So now AT&T has me on hold and my supper is getting cold. I begin to eat while I'm waiting for a supervisor. After a few minutes and while I have a mouth full of food:

Supervisor: Mr. Comp? Me: Wyeah? Supervisor: I understand you are not quite understanding our 10 cents a minute program. Me: Isd thish Ath Teeth & Teeth? Supervisor: Yes sir, it sure is.

I had to swallow before I choked on my food. It was all I could do to not laugh or produce a snort.

Me: No, actually I was just waiting for someone to get back to me about the payments.

Supervisor: Ok, no problem, I'll transfer you back to the person who was helping you.

Me: Thank you.

I was on hold once again and was getting really hungry. I needed to end this conversation.  Suddenly, there was an aggravated but polite voice at the other end of the phone.

AT&T: Hello Mr. Comp, I understand that you are interested in signing up?

Me: Do you have that "Friends and Family" thing because you can never have enough friends and I'm an only child and I'd really like to have a little brother...

AT&T: (click)

Me: Darn, I thought I was onto a "never ending story....."

(the names were changed to protect the guilty, but the music wasn't)